because of Meredith

I look at the clock and inevitably remember what I was doing 5 years ago at this time. I will never forget the true wonder of this day. Because of the medication, Meredith's heart began to beat effectively, leaving her calm and comfortable. Because of this medication, Meredith and I spent the vast majority of this day together 5 years ago. We were in a different hospital with different people. We sat together and napped together.

Because of the amount of the medication she was given, this was our last day together, here on earth.

After a call to get back to the hospital at 7:00 pm because our daughter was in critical condition (but I just left her an hour and a half before and she was wonderful!), after being left to wait in corridors, after seeing CPR on her little body, after holding her lifeless body, 2 days later we were told she had been administered 2-3x the amount of medication her little body could take. 

Since her death, I've tried to find some meaning to it. I've concluded that there is none. Some things here on earth just suck. It's an imperfect world and terrible things happen. That is all. 

I do, however, want to bring some meaning out of it. Since her death, numerous people have told me, wide eyed, how nervous they felt when in the hospital with their child, remembering what happened to Meredith. 

On this, the anniversary of her death, I don't want you to simply remember Meredith's death...I want you to take action because of it. For you. For your family, by taking a role in your healthcare and that of your family. I can't go back and do things differently for Meredith. But, I'm doing things differently now, and I'm encouraging you to also. 

I've learned a lot since then, about medical error. I've learned it's the 3rd or 4th leading cause of death in our country. I've learned that many people in healthcare are also looking for ways to bring that number down. And one of their solutions is for us, the consumers, to become self-advocates. 

This short clip, although an ad for a speaking engagement that has already passed, introduces this concept:

I think doctors and nurses, along with others in healthcare are amazing people. What they do day in and day out is difficult and challenging. You may have someone who has literally saved your life. This is not to tear anyone down. Each one of them though, is still a human being, and their is no cure for that. 

Don't be afraid of offending, looking stupid or whatever. I'm certain that those involved in Meredith's death would have preferred to have been questioned rather than live as they do with the knowledge that they caused a baby girls death. 

Each year, on the anniversary of Meredith's death, my focus will be on sharing ways we can prevent medical errors. You and me. 

Merwyn and I have taken on some unusual traditions to mark this day. It works for us though! He takes a half day of work and we go to a movie. We visit the cemetery and leave a rose (her middle name) for each year. We then take the family to dinner at Bahama Breeze. While maybe unconventional, doing the same thing each year anchors us to this day. 

Thank you for reading and considering. Because of Meredith.